Awakening

Is your bed life as predictable as the menu at the company cafeteria? Bring some spice into the bedroom and wake up your Sleeping Beauty.

Awakening

You’ve known each other long enough that you know what to expect from her. You don’t yet go to bed with a thermophore (for younger readers, we explain that a thermophore is not a sex-shop gadget, but a rubber container that, filled with hot water, is used to warm up cold sheets or rheumatized members), but your bedroom life is predictable and monotonous.

You know that she doesn’t like certain things in bed, others she definitely won’t do. And in general, sex is not the most important thing. May you not be surprised, man, one day.

One of the biggest surprises that can happen to a guy is to see his ex-partner in the company of a new guy: you knew a quiet mouse, and now you see a vampire, you loved her melancholy, and now you have a geyser of cheerfulness in front of you, you didn’t let her kiss you in public, and now she doesn’t get off her knees, she never liked to dance, now she’s crazy on the dance floor.

Could you be a worse lover? Not necessarily. It’s just that you didn’t know that gentle Mrs. Jekyll and dangerous Mrs. Hyde are one and the same person.

Sexual horseplay

Mrs. Jekyll – The prudishness that reigns in our bedrooms has been inherited from our parents and will most likely, more or less consciously, be passed on to our children. The Social Research Lab described our marital practices – 88 percent of couples sleep in the same bed after marriage, but only 43 percent watch their partner naked. This means that more than half of us are giving up one of the greatest bedtime attractions – getting excited about seeing our partner’s body and her sexual responses.

Mrs Hyde – If it’s your partner who turns off the bedroom light (which is most of the time), it’s probably because she’s insecure about the beauty of her own body and afraid to reveal her uncontrollable reactions to growing pleasure. It is time to tame nudity. Encourage her to take a bath or shower together. Convince her that she is beautiful and very attracted to you. Reassure her that the sight of her naked body (they really do sometimes think that an honest woman shouldn’t open her thighs too wide!) is not a sign of shamelessness and promiscuity for you, but a sign of trust, acceptance and connection with you. Start by throwing back the comforter and the discreet light of the bedside lamp, and then it should go on its own.

The great taboo below the belt

Mrs. Jekyll – over 30 percent. Women who sleep with us never touch (even with their hands, let alone their mouths!) our penis. According to Professor Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz – and it kills us even more – another 25 percent touch the penis only during insertion into the vagina, and 20 percent agree to oral sex because they only want to make us, and not each other, happy. On this matter, all sexologists agree: treating oral sex as an impure and licentious activity is most often the result of upbringing in a prudish atmosphere, for which it is natural that the man starts from the waist up, in bed is dominant and active, and the woman passive and consenting to “those things” in “those places”.

Mrs. Hyde – fortunately, statisticians, physicians, and field practice offer hope. If you want to listen to the former, find a girl from a city of more than 200,000 inhabitants, with a higher education, non-believer or non-practitioner, evaluating her erotic life well, with sexual initiation before the age of seventeen – this is the statistical amateur of oral sex. If you were to trust the doctors, that’s not bad either. Most women gradually mature into co-activity in bed and oral caresses; that is – the better the relationship, the greater the desire to meet the sexual expectations of the partner and acceptance of his sexuality. However, practice suggests that when women see the penis in other erotic situations as well, they stop treating it solely as a filler. Use it to touch her breasts, buttocks and other erogenous areas – after a while she will guide it to where she likes it most. Think ahead – long kisses sensitize lips to touch and the prospect of a close encounter between lips and penis will be more pleasurable for her.

Plays for big boys and girls

Mrs Jekyll – Professor Zbigniew Izdebski’s research into the sexuality of Poles shows that only 1.6% of Poles play dress up in the bedroom and carry out erotic scenarios. You yourself would gladly do it, if not for the premonition that she will call for psychiatric help. On the other hand, the percentage of fantasizing women willing to accept this kind of fun is much higher, so maybe it’s worth a risk?

Mrs. Hyde. – you have to play it with your head, because if she catches you unexpectedly in your thong and bra, it will be hard to explain yourself. She’ll leave crying, confide in a friend, who’ll confide in another, and after just one week you’ll have to move out of town, and mothers on the streets will cover their children’s eyes at the sight of you. The basis of first dress-ups is a good script. If you have fantasized about a toothless beggar in rags, do not wait a week, but come out immediately – her role has to be beautiful, sexy and arousing moans of desire! The scenarios known from movies or books come out best: nurse – patient, teacher – student, Cleopatra – slave, courtesan – admirer, policewoman – suspect, etc. The variations are a matter of imagination and skill, but the fun is great. The only condition is mutual acceptance and mutual desire to please each other, because there is nothing more stupid than forced experiments.

What are they really dreaming about?

Mrs. Jekyll. – Psychotherapy is a multi-billion dollar business, and 90% of those who benefit from it are women. Why is that? It’s simple – women are even willing to pay to have someone listen to how they feel.

Mrs. Hyde – one of her most sensitive erogenous zones is your ears. A guy who knows how to listen conducts nonstop winning foreplay and leaves chatty competitors far behind. Her attention is the strongest aphrodisiac – you’ll be amazed later in bed by her imagination and passion. However, Dr. Samuel Osherson, a psychologist at Harvard University, points out that expecting more and more emotional responses from men can be a frustrating problem. It used to be that everything was clear: they were supposed to be tough, strong, composed, low-key, etc.; now they are expected to be even more sensitive, understanding, compassionate, and gentle. The vagueness of the signals sent to their sexuality forces them to reassert their inner self-definition. But if this is to be done for the benefit of our erotic life, only a fool would not do it.

Harder, bolder, more blunt

Mrs. Jekyll – in Poland 12 percent. Women admit to sado-masochistic fantasies, but only some of them ask a sexologist for advice on how to tell their partner that they greatly appreciate his life-long tenderness and gentleness, but in bed they prefer more firmness and stronger stimuli. The situation is a stalemate – women don’t say that pretend violence and a smack on the bottom would make them happy, because they don’t want to be seen as perverse nymphomaniacs, and men, full of chivalrous respect, don’t want to be seen as brutal males. This ends in frustration and a familiar scenario: she will dream of a big bastard from a sawmill in Suwałki, while he will be spanked left and right in the “Spanish Fly” escort agency.

Mrs. Hyde – To change this inevitable order, pay attention to how her body reacts to caresses, change their intensity and don’t be afraid of harder touches. Pinching and love bites have already been written about in the Kama Sutra, so read more or use your imagination. You can also use stronger vocabulary – the bluntness of the actions you describe and the plans you intend to put into practice can sometimes be very titillating. Your partner, who has been lying in bed like a carp on Christmas Eve, might soon find herself suddenly stirred up. Women who enjoy a little more contact say that a spanking works best when followed by a firm massage of the buttocks and that the hand should be spread as wide as possible, so that the contact area is as large as possible. Guys who don’t know moderation are reminded that a person’s sexuality resides in their brain and it’s good to use it beforehand so as not to overstep the boundaries of normalcy and fun.

Why not try telling her that?

Sexologists around the world regularly observe a startling paradox in their offices. Couples, seemingly compatible and matched, who regularly have sex, never talk to each other about mutual expectations in sex. The reason is usually embarrassment and fear of being laughed at or offended by the partner. It also happens that we are not sure if our fantasies and needs are not a sign of deviant tendencies. Most often it turns out that these fears are unfounded. The other party has been longing for a change in bed. Only, of course, she was also ashamed to talk about it. It is indeed paradoxical that people who have long crossed the barrier of intimacy in bed, can not cross it in normal conversation.

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