Not only gay, but also an agent

INTERIA.PL was the first to find information about Operation Rose, directed against the leading heroes of children’s fairy tales from the communist era. The content of the documents, currently in the resources of the Institute of National Remembrance (IPN), is breathtaking.

While the whole of Poland was getting excited over reports about the uncertain orientation of one of the Teletubbies, we decided not to sit back. Following the example of the biggest names in domestic investigative journalism, we went to the Institute of National Remembrance to conduct a small search. Its results, and our subsequent findings, are presented below.

A blasé couple

First, however, we would like to introduce to our story Colonel Adam G., in the late 1970s and early 1980s, head of a super-secret SB unit called Branch X, responsible for the surveillance of so-called authorities and circles of influence. It was he who planned and for years supervised Operation Rose, the goal of which was to invigilate icons of communist culture – Teddy Bear, Pooh Bear, Coralgol, the Mummy family, the Smurfs, the Mapets, Gucio and Maia, and even Matołek the Goat.

– The Mole, too. – interjects Colonel G., an older, gray-haired gentleman who, despite his advanced liver disease, decided to meet with us.

– But why did you do it? – we ask the secret police officer, who bursts out laughing at the sound of our question. But he immediately became serious and began to tell us.

– All these creatures,” G. does not even try to hide his disgust, “had a huge impact on the worldview of young Poles. You know, “with what you eat” and other such things. So we had to watch over them, even try to make them say and think what we wanted.

– Well, no. Let’s take Pooh Bear. He came from the West, so we had to bet on him as a foreigner on principle. The same was true of Krecik, although he also fell into some other category. After 68 every Czech was suspect, and besides, Krecik had a nasty trait – he liked to cut, and no authority likes that.

– And Koziołek Matołek?

– Sanacja roots. And that extravagant beard – an obvious sign of contempt for socialist modesty.

– A blasé couple. They had wings, they could fly away; they had to be watched.

The biggest secret of communist Poland

The collection of his “objects” grows by the minute, until it finally fully coincides with the list we got out of IPN. We showed the photocopies of those documents to Colonel G. – he confirmed their authenticity. Our hands fell down.

But let’s go back to the beginning. “Rose” was supposed to be a routine operation – similar to many other “environmental investigations” conducted by the security service in the times of the People’s Republic of Poland. Quite quickly, however, it turned out that the heroes of the fairy tales are a group exceptionally susceptible to all manipulations by security agents.

– We couldn’t miss such an opportunity,” Colonel G. rubs his hands together even today. – They all had a complicated sex life. And in the People’s Republic of Poland, knowledge about someone’s deviations was the best ammunition.

G., unfortunately, is right. Information about a homosexual relationship between Żwirek and Muchomorek appeared some time ago – we all, probably in Shrek, heard about “Żwirek and Muchomorek filming together”. However, rumors are one thing, and documents from an operational investigation that we found in the archives of the Institute of National Remembrance are quite another.

In those same resources we find information about a long-lasting relationship between Pooh and Tigger – today we would say “toxic”. According to the notes from the secret police, Tigger liked to jump on sides, especially with young males of various species living in the Hundred-Acre Wood.

Papa Smurf’s file is interesting – among hundreds of pages we found a denunciation by TW Gargamel. “Papa has recently become involved with a certain Smurfette, a female individual. Since then, homosexual relations have been replaced by bisexual relations. However, the orgiastic character of these contacts remained unchanged. As for the aforementioned Smurfette – she is an exceptionally naïve person; I suggest that our services use her potential”.

The true face of Tola

– Not bad, huh? – Colonel G laughs. – But I don’t know if you’ve found the story of Anatoly P. in the Ipeen files? That’s just a departure.

We did. And we sincerely regret it. On the occasion of the Teletubbies affair, one of the journalists pointed out the close relationship between Bolek and Lolek. “They sleep in the same tent,” – one newspaper reported.

Well, in the IPN we managed to confirm these suppositions as well. The homosexuality of the leading troublemakers of the People’s Republic of Poland was no secret for the SB. Instead, it was – at least until some time – the figure of Tola. “Tola,” we read in one of the earlier documents from Bolek’s file, “is likely to create a sexual alibi for both Bolek and Lolek. We have no information that there was heterosexual sexual contact between the three”.

However, the SB was wrong, which was confirmed in later documents. “Tola is a man, or more precisely, a transvestite known in some circles, Anatol P.” – reports one of the SS officers. “We have already taken measures to persuade him to cooperate.

These attempts were successful. In documents from the 1980s we found many notes written by TW Antek.

– Not only a faggot, but also an agent – he rejoices like a child G.

Will there be vetting?

What to do with all this?

– For me it is history – assures Colonel G.

However, there are people in this country for whom documentaries about the immoral preferences of communist idols are by no means history.

– After all, these fairy tales are still shown today! – Genowefa Beret, the chairman of the association of the Mohair Ladies Patriots does not hide her indignation. – We cannot allow our children and grandchildren to have such heroes! My environment demands vetting of fairy tale heroes.

– You say “unrealistic idea”? We will show you all. We have Mrs. Sowinska, Minister Orzechowski and Roman Giertych himself behind us, who says ‘no’ to the homosexual propaganda. With them we will carry out our idea’, assures president Beret.

From the power of her voice it seems that she is convinced of it. So it’s going to be a big fight.

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