You make love once every few weeks, or maybe less often. You feel as if it is an unpleasant chore for her rather than a satisfying experience. What could be the cause?
There could be many reasons for your partner’s change in attitude towards your sexual encounters – from feeling that you no longer care about her, to what is considered a sexual disorder, to frigidity, to the most painful case – infidelity. Basically, when looking for the cause of the breakdown of your erotic contacts, you should start by considering these three possibilities.
Orgasm is in the mind
Many women condition the level of their sexual satisfaction on the feelings that you share. For them, love has to go hand in hand with passion, otherwise there will be no successful sex. Orgasm is in the head – with this sentence almost all women will agree – even if it is supposed to be love for one night, you must have “that something” in you, which will enchant her, if only for a moment.
When love starts to leave, passion dies out – especially in long term relationships, the situation in the bedroom changes. It becomes more and more difficult to persuade her to have spontaneous sex, and she increasingly says she’s tired and doesn’t feel like it.
What can be done to prevent this? First of all, prevent it. You may consider it trivial, but affectionate words, flowers, small gifts without occasions will pay off in the future. She needs to know that you care about her. If you let your feelings die out, there is unlikely to be much chance of salvaging the relationship later.
It’s not an excuse
There are also women who generally don’t feel like having sex. Sexual frigidity is not an excuse, it is considered a sexual disorder by sexologists. They estimate that about 10 to 15 percent of women suffer from it. It is characterized by a decrease in desire (so-called hypolibidemia) or the complete loss of libido. In extreme cases, a woman develops a general loathing for men.
Most often, however, frigidity is temporary and manifests itself as a periodic loss of interest in intercourse caused by some specific identifiable factor (e.g. taking medication that lowers libido). It may also happen that a woman is willing to have sex (there are physical signs of excitement in her, independent of her will), but she does not achieve orgasm or does not feel satisfaction from intercourse.
A passionate and tender lover who does not experience orgasm may also be considered frigid. Every third Polish woman thinks that sex can be satisfying without a climax. Read more on this topic
She is tender but for someone else
Driven by jealousy, we assume that if she does not feel like having sex, she simply has a lover – this is the reason for unsuccessful intercourse, which we most often accuse women of. Life is different – it may or may not turn out to be true.
Before you start a fight and tell her to pack her bags, have an honest conversation. Ask why she’s not comfortable with you, find the hole in your relationship where the passion is leaking out and try to patch it up, maybe it’s not too late yet.