What women want

All it takes is a few seconds of observation and you can tell if you feel like having sex with her or not. And did you know that we do the same?

What women want

Guys are visual people, right? And that’s why they can’t help but look at every attractive woman.

Poor things! Because we women supposedly only go for intelligence and a sense of humor. Yeah! You’d be surprised how closely you’re being scrutinized by ladies you know and don’t know.

You pay attention to my breasts, buttocks, legs and in some further order – my face. Sure, I know. After all, I read the color press, too. However, the way women judge guys is undoubtedly more complicated. Because you look sympathetic, so let me explain what really matters to us in those first few seconds of meeting.

Before we get into the detailed analysis, though, I’d like to warn you that the criteria we use to pick or cross off guys may seem a little strange to you. When I met my boyfriend, the first thing that caught my attention was his hair. Completely gray. It happens, sure, but not likely in someone who’s not yet over thirty. It looked so intriguing that I couldn’t take my eyes off him for quite some time. My friend, a serious consultant, was fascinated by a Winnie the Pooh tie she had seen on a certain HR director of a very large company for which she was supposed to conduct training. It made her so happy that soon her relations with him changed from business to private. I also remember my own encounter in the park with a very interesting man – handsome, impeccably dressed – whom I crossed off my list immediately after seeing the disgust with which he sparred with a puppy who wanted to greet him cheerfully.

You can see for yourself how many things the average woman has to take into account. And all because we, unlike you, want more than just sex. Consciously and subconsciously, on the basis of various more or less important premises, we assess whether you are a suitable candidate for a partner. Whether you could take care of us, whether you could be a father to our children. We take the long view. An error in judgment has much more serious consequences for us than for you. So see and judge for yourself what kind of ranking you can hope for.

Your style of dress

It’s a little hard to explain to a guy what a style of dress is, but I’ll try with examples. If I see that everything you’re wearing is completely random and pointless, just pulled out of the closet at random, it kind of puts me off. Could it be that no woman has ever loved you enough to care about your appearance? Maybe she knew something about you that I don’t? Maybe there’s something wrong with you? However, the other extreme – i.e. the perfect outfit, impeccably chosen accessories, perfect shoes and hairstyle – is also disturbing. Then you seem too inaccessible, too self-sufficient and self-centered. You probably demand the same perfection from a woman, and I, well, I guess I’m not that perfect. I prefer something in between. I look for something in your appearance that would indicate that you need a woman after all.

The things you carry with you

This is one of the old world ways to tell a lot about yourself. A tennis racket? Cool! The message: “I keep in good shape, I’m rather affluent, I rotate in a cool company, I love competition.” The book says: “Look, I read, I’m probably even sensitive,” and if it’s a book I read myself and enjoyed, I already know we have a lot in common.

Do you read the newspaper? You’re probably interested in what’s going on in the world and can talk about any topic. Backpack? You’re young in spirit, a free bird, no matter how old you look. You don’t want to be part of the rat race. A slightly worn soft bag or briefcase in good leather looks great. Leather in general has something erotic about it. But there is nothing more off-putting than a briefcase or bag made of cheap imitation leather. It is a nightmare! With one, every guy looks like a cheap imitation himself.

I like guys who drive a dog. But not some horrible, ugly and aggressive bullterrier or pitbull, because I immediately suspect you of having complexes. I much prefer it when you are running a big, friendly, playful dog. Friendly, cheerful people have just such dogs. I know, I know, I often err fatally in judgment. After all, you could have mentioned: a dog, a briefcase or a rocket – just found in the park and now you’re looking for the owner. But after all, you have to have a point of contact, right?

If we allow ourselves to shorten the distance, I first look into your eyes. I try to read from them information about your intelligence (whether they look sharp or dull and fixed), about your health (whether they are “clean”, with white whites, or reddened or yellowish) and about whether you like me (if so, your pupils dilate). A few seconds and I already know if I like your eyes. The size of your eyes matters too. The bigger they are, the more handsome you seem to me. It is said that men with big eyes are most popular with women with a developed protective instinct, because these eyes (combined with long eyelashes, my goodness!) give their faces a slightly childish, vulnerable look. Slightly, I say, because also without exaggeration. I probably wouldn’t like it if you looked too childish. I wouldn’t want to come across as your big sister.

The color of your irises doesn’t matter so much. It’s a matter of taste. Although, you might want to consider the question of why so many handsome American actors (Paul Newman, for example) insisted on wearing intense blue contact lenses. If you wear glasses, it is better if they are in fashionable but discreet frames. God forbid in flashy red! Forget the sunglasses, at least for the time of our meeting. After all, the sun doesn’t bother you that much, does it? I can’t stand people who cover their eyes with sunglasses in front of me. Sunscreen in the evening, at the club is a real disaster. “Maybe he has something to hide?” – I can’t help but think. Because you’re not a secret service officer, are you?

A face that seems handsome to me must be masculine. No roundness or chubby cheeks there. A slim face, with a well-defined chin and high cheekbones – that’s what I like. But of course, it’s not an absolute standard. Apparently, studies show that more and more women prefer men with childlike or even slightly feminine faces (see: Leonardo di Caprio, Johnny Depp or – from my own backyard – Maciej Zakościelny).Scientists explain this by the fact that the study involved mostly teenage cinomen. In general, however, women are attracted to men who are a little more masculine than themselves.


You probably think that it plays a significant role in my ratings. In a way you’re right, but not entirely. Women generally do not like guys with an overdeveloped chest. It is enough if you are proportionally built and do not have grotesquely narrow shoulders and sunken chest. You know, it’s all about whether you seem like a guy who’s nice to cuddle with, if need be, lean on his shoulder. And who can lift me up. The type who looks like building up his chest with gym packs and nutritional supplements is his primary life’s work has a similar effect on us as the aforementioned pit bull.

Looking at your hair, I think to myself about whether it would be pleasant to comb through it with my fingers. Is it thick, clean, nice to the touch? I don’t particularly like fancy gel hairstyles. All those weird mounds of hair or spiky spikes a’ la chestnut make me think, “How much time this narcissist must have spent in front of the mirror today!

Leave the dreadlocks to high school girls and cultural studies students. Long hair certainly has its fans among women with artistic souls. On the other hand, hairstyles with too much slicked back ‘short and masculine’ hair are tempting to disrupt the order and to mess it up. Baldness does not rule a man out. Of course, provided that the other elements of the outfit do not suggest that we are dealing with the gorilla of “Kiełbasa”. Baldness is a signal that you are probably more dominant, mature and experienced. You’ve had a period of fighting for position, you’re ready to settle down. And you don’t love yourself excessively. Something will remain for us.

I may seem like a hopeless bore to you, but like most women I like smoothly shaven faces. I don’t like beards or even goatee. Polish moustache I tolerate only in Walesa. And only because of sentiment to the history of independence movements. And already a full beard in the form of a mustache and beard makes me wonder what elements of your yesterday’s meal are in there. Sorry Winnetou, but beards and mustaches are out of the question. On the other hand, if we were to become a couple, I wouldn’t mind a two-day stubble over the weekend. It reminds a woman that you have testosterone. It’s definitely masculine and exciting.

The way you move

Guys who move harmoniously and springily like a predator catch our attention even from a distance. It’s hard to say what this is due to. There are directions in psychology that explain it like this: stress, problems, unresolved conflicts cause unconscious contraction of various muscles in the body. Then you walk a little stiff, and your movements lack grace. If you are relaxed, mentally healthy, you move smoothly and springily. Perhaps I’m subconsciously looking for a guy without the baggage of childhood stresses and problems. For sure. But on the other hand – playing sports helps your figure. After all, I’m looking for a fit guy. Because it means you have the self-discipline in you to train something regularly.

Shoes and socks

Maybe it’s petty of us, call it fetishism if you want, but a guy I like should have good shoes. By that I mean – a good grade of leather, a fashionable (but not overly so) cut, clean, unworn, a color that matches the rest of his outfit. Is it so much? From a woman’s point of view, it’s better to save on the latest model of cell phone, because most women probably won’t notice it, and buy yourself decent shoes from a good company. And socks. Here it’s easy to have an “Achilles sock”. Socks that are too short, too colored or washed to death are unacceptable. Running shoes are OK as long as you are running. I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but there’s another reason we pay attention to men’s legs. Simply put, we’re reminded of that old superstition (which supposedly has nothing to do with reality) that the size of your foot is a reflection of another hidden part of your body. Not that it would interest me on a first meeting, but what’s the harm in taking a look?

I really like men’s neat hands with long fingers. Strong, but at the same time delicate. Such, with which you can effortlessly change a wheel in a car and scratch a dog behind its ear. Dry and warm. The kind that I would love to imagine on my body. I look to see if your claws are bitten. We don’t like nervous people. But the really important reason why I pay attention to my hands is, of course, the ring or some trace of it. Unfortunately, I prefer free ones. I don’t like getting into trouble.

Fashion lately has been more and more tolerant of guys. Every now and then I find that ethnic beads on a thong or a silver ring on my finger is acceptable. If you dress consciously in this style and know what you are doing, then OK. But I am already allergic to gold. I know that there are amateurs of gold chains in the world, but the vast majority of women, including me, think that the only acceptable jewelry for men is a watch. Decent and elegant, but not flashy. If you are going to wear some cheap imitation, it is better not to wear a watch at all. No signet rings! And earrings too, even in your eyebrows.

Please don’t explain to me that Beckham or Wisniewski. Celebrities have different criteria and you most probably are not a star. Tattoos? No, thank you.

It’s hard to define, but it’s just that some people have “something” about them. Something that catches your attention, intrigues you, lets you spin your imagination about them. That’s why most women will always choose a slightly mysterious guy, rather than one who can be figured out on the fly. The problem is that what we see is overlaid by our expectations. Women want to meet someone a little like themselves. And there is a deep feminine wisdom in this, because the statement that opposites attract – is a superstition. It is possible that sometimes it is true, but the best couples create people similar to each other in temperament and views on life. Artistic souls will not go for a “suit man”, they are reserved for a “well-organized lady”. Allergic women will avoid types with dogs, even the nicest ones. Fortunately, similar people frequent similar places, and this greatly reduces the possibility of a fatal mistake, the consequences of which will take a long time to heal.

Detractors, or ten things that eliminate you in the first place

1. You’re shorter than me (I wouldn’t pick on you if your name was Tom Cruise).
2. It’s obvious that you’ve been working on your appearance for a long time before leaving home (I find the vision of a guy standing out in front of the bathroom mirror for hours a bit funny).
3. You have an eyebrow piercing or, worse, a tongue piercing. No, and no again!
4) You’re wearing a T-shirt with a pharmaceutical company logo that you probably got at some sales rep conference.
5. You’re wearing an idiotic “Incredibles” or Shrek t-shirt.
6. You smell something strange, but I know for a fact that it is not the smell of cleanliness.
7. You smell too strongly of toilet water. See point 2.
8. The gold chain around your neck. And then there’s the fuzz coming out of your unbuttoned shirt.
9. Dandruff. Brrr! Have mercy, there are effective remedies!
Nails bitten or yellowed by tobacco.

Areas of observation

What we pay attention to depends on the place where we meet.

At work- we have plenty of time to look at you closely. There is no place for such important signals as the outfit, because in most cases guys come to work in a suit uniform. That’s why we pay attention to those who stand out with something from the similar suits.

On the beach – of course, the first thing that catches the eye is your body. Are you proportionally built, are you muscular? How much? Do you look like a guy who is in love with himself and spends his life in the gym? Do you have shapely buttocks? Are you hairy like a monkey? Even if you’re far from perfect, you’ll score points by demonstrating athletic ability. Are you a great swimmer? Do you play volleyball? Or maybe you surf? That’s sure to get our attention.

At the bar. – you know, to be honest, a lot of women go there just to meet someone. That’s why we’re sometimes open there, sometimes too open for casual flirting. Dim lights and alcohol make women less critical. Often, simply being bold is enough.

Public transport – A girl looking at you on the streetcar may be just bored. Just to keep an eye on someone. Don’t promise yourself too much.

Let’s see what the research says

Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love, cites findings from a plethora of studies on mate selection. Women around the world are more attracted to men who are educated, ambitious, rich and respected, and who have prestige and position – the kinds of qualities that their prehistoric ancestors needed in partners to father their children. They like tall men, probably because such men are more likely to gain prestige and provide better defense. They are attracted to men who sit in a carefree position because it is a sign of dominance, assertiveness and confidence. They are also sensitive to the charm of men who have coordinated movements and are strong. They prefer men with pronounced cheekbones and a strong jaw, both traits that are a result of testosterone. This preference intensifies in women during the fertile period. Interestingly, during ovulation, women become more sensitive than usual to the sense of humor in the men they are interested in.

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